so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
