im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Randomize
