are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
