So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Randomize
