What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
