I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
