I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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