Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
