New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
Randomize