I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
