Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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