I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
