SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize