You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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