wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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