Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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