i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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