D3 body, D1 cock
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
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