I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
