why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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