i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
