The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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