My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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