"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
