she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
