you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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