my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize