Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
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