I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Randomize
