Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize