Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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