EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
i out mim tonsoeep
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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