to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
