this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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