i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize