i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
