i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize