Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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