maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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