i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
