where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize