I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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