Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so as we were driving to pick up my grandma from old navy she procedes to yell into our open window.. "I'll make ya holla fo a dolla" umm...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
