Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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