Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
