omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
