I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
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