i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
