pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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