I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
