did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The beer is more important than you right now.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
