So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
you win again, gameday.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Randomize
