I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
