it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
