I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
