How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
the condom got lost in my hair
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
