i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
