i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Dude, Erin Andrews has a nude video circulating the internet.
Is it any good?
Let me put it this way: I bet Stuart Scott's lazy eye went straight after watching that.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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