he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
So here I am, sexting at work.
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