There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
two words...techno handjob
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
