Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
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