Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize