somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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