Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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