She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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