dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
