i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
