yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
