I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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