i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize