Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
