i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
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