your room smells of hookers.
And success
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
