so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
