Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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