so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
