I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
