omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
My dad is sitting where you rode me
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
