you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
