Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
