Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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