i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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