Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Randomize
