Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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